Name It to Tame It

💡 Insight

Ask someone how they're doing on a hard day and you'll often hear "bad," "stressed," or "off." These words are true, but they're blunt instruments. Psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett and her colleagues call the ability to tell feelings apart precisely emotional granularity, and it turns out to matter.

People who can distinguish between, say, disappointment, resentment, loneliness, and shame tend to regulate those feelings more effectively than people who experience them all as one undifferentiated mass of "bad." In one study, researchers led by Todd Kashdan tracked young social drinkers over several weeks and found that those who could better differentiate their negative emotions drank less on days when they were most upset. A precise label seems to point toward a precise response. "Bad" suggests you need to escape. "Lonely" suggests you need to call someone.

Granularity isn't a fixed trait. It can be built, mostly by paying attention and expanding your vocabulary. The next time you feel bad, don't stop at "bad." Ask what kind. Is it closer to anxious or dreading? Hurt or humiliated? Tired or empty? The more precisely you can name it, the more clearly you'll see what it's asking for.

---

✦ Quote

"Name it to tame it."

— Daniel J. Siegel, psychiatrist and author of Mindsight

---

◎ Prompt

Three times today — morning, afternoon, and evening — stop and name what you're feeling using a word more specific than good, bad, fine, or stressed. If you get stuck, look up a feelings wheel and pick the closest word.