A common piece of advice in recovery circles is to avoid starting a new romantic relationship in the first year. It's often given as a rule, and like most rules it can be applied too rigidly. But the reasoning behind it deserves a hearing.
New love is an intense experience. It floods you with excitement, relief, and a sense of being chosen, and it can quietly take over the job the substance used to do: distracting you from discomfort, filling empty evenings, making you feel okay about yourself. When it's going well, that can feel like recovery. When it goes badly — and new relationships often wobble — you're left with all the old feelings and a fresh heartbreak on top, often right when your footing is least steady.
None of this means you're not allowed to fall for someone. It means going in with your eyes open. Keep your other supports in place. Keep the routines that were working. Notice if the relationship is becoming the thing you can't be without. And be honest with the other person about where you are. Anyone worth building something with will want to know.
✦ Quote
"Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other."
— Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet (trans. M.D. Herter Norton)
◎ Prompt
If you're in a new relationship, or wanting one, ask yourself honestly: what am I hoping it will fix? Write the answer down, and then write one way you could meet that need that doesn't depend on another person.
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